is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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