I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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