They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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