If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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