I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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