Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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