people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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