Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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