i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
