let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
