Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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