Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
