You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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