she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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