I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
His nipple licking is glorious
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