I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
