This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
