it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
