It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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