I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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