she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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