I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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