she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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