i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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