the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
