Yo dont text me then not text me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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