i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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