.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
