his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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