I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
