I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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