I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
