you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
