false alarm. still invincible.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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