she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My breasts were aching with rage.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
