drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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