My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
