i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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