It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
