i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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