16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
