there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize