I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
