They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm too high and old for this...
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