About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
