my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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