Only a mothe r could love this liver
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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