I want to stick my p in your. b.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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