i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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