I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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