If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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