I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
