where am i from again
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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