We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
