i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
