I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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