yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
