Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
