how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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