You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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