I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
