I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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