A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
