He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
