So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did we literally take a cab across the street
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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