last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
