maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
