its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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