If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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