well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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