Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
His nipple licking is glorious
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