Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
